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Forget Him Not || Mark and Teddy

dr-teddyaltman:

Teddy’s expression faded from one of confusion to one of deepest regret — what had she done to deserve such hurtful words? She knew it had to be some fault of her own; no resentment could run so forcefully misguided. No, if there was hatred in Mark’s eyes, she would have to find the truth within them.

“Mark, what is it? I don’t understand,” Teddy asked quietly, trying in vain to conceal her distress. “Is it something I did? Something I said?” She wished in all sincerity to ask him more, but she bit back the words — it wasn’t her place to plead when the fault was wholly hers. She would never hurt Mark with willingness; she cared for him, mind and heart and soul.

But that wasn’t to say she could love him so soon. Two years was barely enough to salve her entire being, raw from the depth of her grief. With the night as her only witness, she could finally give herself over to the fear that she might never be capable of love again. Could she harbor such wonders, and still call herself human? Mark would never know how scared she was under this brittle facade of bravery; she would never let him.

“Please… don’t leave. I’m sorry; I’m sorry for whatever I did. I didn’t mean to hurt you, Mark — I would never.” Teddy prayed that her words didn’t seem as pitiful as they sounded, but she held out little hope. In spite of all the times she’d tried to convince herself otherwise, she needed him — needed him to lead her when her feet would fail, and to hold her when she lost herself. She couldn’t imagine life without Mark any more than she wanted to imagine being alone.

_{Still barely able to look at her, now feeling g u i l t y for putting this weight onto her when she didn’t even know what she did. He knew he was being cruel and unfair, but he couldn’t help it. It took everything for Mark to say those three SIMPLE words and the feeling he got when she said them back was unimaginable, but the feeling had dissipated when she ended the sentence with Henry. Taking a deep breath, eyes still turned away in almost humiliation.}

_{“I told you I LOVED you.  You were asleep so I’m not really sure it counted. But I said it. And then moments later you said I love you… but you said I love you Henry. I-you were asleep. It shouldn’t matter. But it does, because I’m in love with you and it took me a while to get there, it took me a while to let myself love you, but I’m here. And really it’s okay that you’re not there yet, of course you still love him, I still love her. But I’m just afraid you’re not going to l e t yourself love someone else. That you might never get there, and if that’s true, then you’ll never love me the way I love you. I don’t want that because we’ll both end up miserable or I’ll end up heartbroken, I was a DIRTY MISTRESS, I never got the woman, I know what it’s like to be on the loosing side. So if I have to be on the loosing side one more time, that’s fine, I just need to know now.”}

_{The man couldn’t help but ramble, once he began he couldn’t stop. The thoughts were entering his mind and leaving through his lips. B o i l i n g question and feelings that Mark had never truly let out before. He had one last fight for love in him, if she wasn’t the one he was giving up. Unable to take the P A I N of heartbreak anymore, convincing himself that the life Derek had would never be the life Mark could have.} 

Forget Him Not || Mark and Teddy

She’d dreamed of Henry that night. As the dappled light fell between the cracks of the blinds, her heart beat bittersweet — sweet, because it was almost as though he’d been with her, but bitter because it would never be real. In a selfish moment, she’d given herself over to indulgence; for, once she opened her eyes, she’d be brought back to a world that lived on without Henry. 

When the bliss faded into blackness, Teddy knew she’d spent long enough in the past. It did her no good, for the past was a place no four-wheel drive could ever go despite it holding the keys to her heart. The world was quiet at this early hour, and it settled with Teddy well enough. 

But even while riddled with sleep, Teddy could sense that something was off. Mark’s side of the bed had been untouched that morning, and Teddy would have known if he’d made the bed before she awoke. A quick glance into the living room told of a fitful night spent on the couch — but for what reason?

Impossibly, her questions grew greater as she ran into Mark in the kitchen doorway. It was obvious by the bags under his eyes that the couch had stolen his sleep — it lent him an unflattering kind of weariness. And those eyes, the eyes that had not only held her gaze but claimed it — it was clear that they were reluctant to meet hers.

As she worked through her hurt and confusion, it was a while before Teddy managed to speak.

“Mark, what is it?” Teddy asked hesitantly, wanting so badly to reach for his hand. But the closed look on his face boded grief, and she wondered what she’d said or done to have caused it. “I know you’re not on-call today; your name’s not on the board.”

BROKEN dreams tethered through the night, although they hadn’t been d r e a m s. Fully awake and aware of everything. Left A L O N E to seep into his own thoughts of despair. DESPAIR that no one would ever love him the way that he l o v e d them. && if someone did… it would be too L A T E and death would be to NEAR. His heart ached with longing, longing to hear the W O R D S be muttered his way… with the correct name this t i m e. 

With only a moments sleep, he departed his achy body from the uncomfortable couch. PUSHING his way off with slender fingertips. Making his way into the kitchen with no place to go as he heard the bedroom door c r e a k open. He didn’t want to SEE her. Not now. He couldn’t. The thought A L O N E made his body clench. 

Trying to find the BEST escape route, but before he could even grab his coffee, she was in the kitchen and s e e i n g right through him. Of course she could, he hadn’t put up the most full proof lie. ( He should have woken up earlier.) But he didn’t and now he was STUCK facing something he wasn’t ready to.

“It’s N O T H I N G, Teddy. They just– I can’t be h e r e right now. I can’t be here with you.” Bursting out of his lips before his mind could STOP him. It wasn’t the whole TRUTH but it was partly true. He couldn’t bare to be around her right now. Not because he HATED her… because he HATED himself. Hated himself for saying it too soon, for falling in love too soon, for falling in love at all. 

TEDDY:

And Teddy could have sailed in his smile forever. 
It was as though a breath she’d been holding had
finally broken free, so great was her relief. In that
moment, some human part of her rejoiced at no
longer being alone — and that meant more to her
than anything. 

          ❝Thank you,❞ her words claimed, but Teddy
          knew that Mark could never understand their
          depth.

Mark knew he shouldn’t expect her to utter the
blissful words once more, but one could at least
hope. But the man took what he got, even if it  
was just a simple thanks. It would have to do.
         ❝And I’ll never stop.❞ 

He knew the need for reassurance so he was trying his best to give it. 

dr-teddyaltman:

❝ Don’t,❞ Teddy whispered, her gaze
adopting a certain darkness. ❝ Don’t
talk to me about Henry. He has nothing
to do with this — with us.❞ But Teddy
heard the lie as soon as it left her, for
her reluctance to love again after Henry
was the only thing of which she was sure. 

               ❝This has everything to do with Henry.❞ 

The words had come off harsher than he had meant,
un-furrowing his brow and making his tone soft again.

              ❝Just let me l o v e you, TEDDY.
I’m not going to keep waiting around, a g a i n.❞

dr-teddyaltman:

❝ I - I didn’t — ❞ With an absent courage, Teddy 
couldn’t bring herself to say it. But in every second
of her silence, her heart swelled warmer and fiercer
with all the love she couldn’t say. And in witnessing
Mark’s patronizing gaze, her own grew heavy with
her every fear and shame.

A moment passed before his head tilted to his side,
with his usual smug demeanor. Stepping forward, 
Mark hooked his fingers around her and pulled her  
close abruptly. Gazing eyes roaming her facial 
features before finally speaking lowly. 
          ❝I love you too, Teddy,❞ 

dr-teddyaltman:

      ❝ And I really appreciate you saying
      that, but let’s face it. Please don’t think
      that this has anything to do with you —
      but I just haven’t had the best history
      with men,  have  I? It’s a little hard to
      believe  that  I  could  ever change. ❞

❝Neither have I. We’ve both had
      the worst track records. We’ve
      both had our soul-mates die. But
      Teddy, I have to believe someone can
      have more than one soulmate. And I
      think that’s you, because if it isn’t,
      who is it? ❞

-theodora:

georginahobart:

MARK: Tell me you’re staying. Please.
TEDDY: I’m staying. 

Grey’s Anatomy, 6x20 Hook, Line and Sinner

dr-teddyaltman:

❝ That’s the same as saying I’m
boring, ❞ Teddy  said  morosely,
infuriated by her  own  insecurity.  
Why couldn’t she just let herself
be happy, even if it was a lie?

dr-teddyaltman

“What do you mean, people  like  me?”
Teddy  questioned  defensively.  “You
mean desperate, middle-aged widows
who  should know better than to fall in
love again?”

A  moment later, Teddy realized what
she’d  said. And the look that crossed
her face was nothing short of horrified.